I was listening to an audiobook and I thought “why is there no subtitles for audiobooks for deaf people?”

When I searched for my glasses in a panic for nearly 30 mins, and they were on my face.

I’d say it was when I dropped an empty plastic colander, panicked because it was going to hit my foot, so I tried to quickly move my foot out of the way and ended up kicking the solid wood cabinets hard enough to split my toenail straight down the middle. The colander weighed maybe around 1/10 of a pound. It would not have hurt at all.

I tried getting out of the car with my seatbelt on yesterday.

I entered university. Half of the people there are smarter and/or had a better education, and the other half is equally smart as you. Really makes you realize how small your world was

When I tried to put in my contacts shortly after chopping up jalapeños

I often use a little bit of knowledge that I know to explain something to people I really don’t understand because I’m good with people. One day a young kid at work basically said “ I feel like you know just enough to talk about stuff but not enough to really know anything… no offense” and I was like god damn he’s right

I read alot, like averaging a book every couple of days so my vocabulary was good but I didnt speak to people alot until I was about 15 and turns out I was terrible at pronouncing alot of words I read and ended up looking very stupid several times

Seven years after I sold my 365 bitcoins at 30$ a piece. That’s “only” like 9-10m I never got in my pocket …

Back when I was a cook, I was making tortilla cups for salsa. To do this you use a little ramekin on a stick to submerge them in the deep fryer. I dropped the tool in, and a waitress said “Oh no! How are you going to get it out?” I sarcastically replied that I would use my hand, while getting a pair of tongs and beginning to fish it out. I dropped the tongs in as well, and immediately stuck my hand into boiling oil chasing after them. Somehow I wasn’t burned (wet hand maybe) but I now know I’m either stupid or “Impervious to boiling oil guy”

In 7th grade when I argued with a smart kid that I was not 4’12”. I was 5’. It took me way too long to figure out why he was looking at me like that.

Learned I spelled “raspberry” wrong all my life. Why is there a “p” in the spelling and I can’t even look at the fruit the same way. It’s like it’s a whole new food item to me and I can’t stop thinking about it.

When I discovered this: Knowledge is having the right answer. Intelligence is asking the right question.

I’m a software dev, and I thought I was fairly intelligent. I couldn’t figure out how to disconnect a U-haul trailer from my truck the other day when dropping it off.

I was so baked yesterday I sat down for a family dinner and tried to put on my seatbelt

I have trouble opening doors that have “pull” written on them.

Every time my wife is mad at me and I think of the “perfect comeback” I remember how brilliant I am.. And then I say it.